I adore what I do. There is nothing better than seeing my students bright smiles. Watching them learn new things and strive for greatness and higher learning. Seeing the twinkle of hope and a bright future in their eyes. Getting to experience…..
(Loud obnoxious interruptive rolling noise)
But there is one thing that I absolutely hate about my job. One thing I deal with everyday. One thing that makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up like angry pigeon, and get that evil tweeky eye twitch. Something so annoying that I simply want to rip it off the wall and curse the mediocre inventor from a distant land. More annoying than gun control posts, totalitarians, political correctness, and trying to decide what is for tea. I simply….hate them.
The school pencil sharpener.
These awkward machines were invented in 1828 and still have yet to be improved upon. We have gone to the moon, created the internet, genetically manipulated life, and of course invented the ‘she-wee’; why, oh why, do we still have these in ineffective….unsharpening contraptions? Have you ever once gotten a sharpened pencil or are you left with a half a stick of wood gnawed into a hollowed out tube? I’ve seen beavers to better work on pine trees.
No, wait, they are super effective class disruption machines. I forgot. The noise these delinquent devices make is comical. Oh course children always seem to break pencils mid lecture or mid exam, breaking the peaceful tranquility of learning. This drives me crazier than a sack of rabid bees.
Then there are the holes! Seriously why is there a rotisserie of options of size? Where are I all these size optional pencils? Ok, I do remember being in second grade and going to some tourist gift shop and getting the jumbo pencil with fancy dangle attachments, we all remember the fat pencil that was nearly the length of baseball bat. We also remember Mrs. White taking it away for poking the class hamster with it. Anyway, stay on topic. Two sizes of holes, regular and tourist pencil fat. Why have eight! Yes eight! Those standard metal wall sharpeners in every classroom across this planet have eight holes! Where are these obscure pencils? I really do want more girth options with my writing utensils.
Let’s also not forget how well these torturous grinders adhere to the wall. They don’t. Even the most vicious of all children can rip them, with ease, from an anchored cement wall. Even the most ingenious maintenance experts, with double backed wall supports, can’t defeat a kindergartner desperate to sharpen her pink coloured pencil. It is hopeless I tell you.
So I pled to the young inventors of the world, please for the love of all that is educational, please bring me a sharpener that works, is quiet, and can easily be put into every classroom from sea to sea. Pour your heart and soul into this engineering feat of heavenly proportions. Give us this holy grail.
Help us sharpen a darn pencil!!