I am not a pretty crier. Some people can cry and look movie perfect with delicate tears rolling down smooth cheeks. I do not look like this. What I mean is, when the tears start to flow, and emotions get the best of me, my face goes all blotchy and swollen. I look like a rabid pit bull that ate a mouth full of bumble bees. My eyes explode refuse to stop making tears. Forget the make-up, my skin goes all dry and it is as if my lips become a cracked desert. The worst part is the snot. My nose becomes a never ending fire hose producing unimaginable quantities of snot. There is not enough tissue in the world to stop this flash flood of goo. I start to lose my breath and hyperventilate. So, I end up becoming a leaky, snotty, puffy, explosive mess that is having trouble breathing. I resemble some kind of apocalyptic zombie spewing toxic fluids from rotting flesh. I look hot.
As I enter a week of my life where I will be full of emotion I begin to realize that the inevitable gooey apocalyptic junkie is about to show her face. I try not to make eye contact with the ‘goodbye victims’ I have given my heart to. I know my heart will start to squeeze and bruise. Nothing like leaving a last impression on someone when you hug them and leave a sticky wad of boogers on their shoulder; yummy. Then you must decide how long to hold the hug. Because in reality you never really want to let go of the person you love. You don’t want to be the first to ease off that final hug, but eventually you must. It would be an awkward like to life to live with a crazy American hanging on you. Makes going to the bathroom uncomfortable.
I have made friends that become part of who I am, who I have always wanted to be. They have challenged me, loved me, spoke truth to me, and shared their lives with me. They have opened their homes, kitchens, and souls to me. I do not say goodbye to Australia this week. I say ‘see ya later’ to the heart and soul of this land, to the people who make this country so remarkable.
Though my eyes will begin to fill, there will be so much joy and many fond memories of one of the greatest years of my life. The tears will become a final washing. A cleansing of my soul, as I begin the next part of my adventure called life. I don’t know where life is taking me, but I do know that my tears are a sign of, not sadness, but of great passion in this epic book of my life.
So today…. I cry.