The Sixth Burner

And now for another installment of…..(drum roll)….Jennie’s Crazy life! 
I know I tend to be a bit of a klutz; always managing to find the hard way to do things. Well this Saturday night was no exception. I decided to clean my house before enjoying my evening plans. My house was beginning to look as if I had decided to burrow myself a dirt tunnel like a necked mole rat. The recent volcanic ash had left a layer of odd dust over every inch of my little dwelling. I had to dust, wash, or mop every surface. I beat the couch, washed the linens, wiped the stove, and even scoured the shower. But a funny thing started to happen. My house started to smell funny. 
I was beginning to think my scrubbing was loosening some old icky. So I scrubbed more. Mopped again. The smell was getting worse, especially in kitchen. I was even on the phone with my mom when we decided it must be the sinks drains. 
It was terrible. It was a bit like warm rotten milk with cat pee. Yummy. But worst. I was like a blood hound. Walking. Sniffing. Moving furniture. I was actually hoping to find a dead rat just to find the source. I cleaned more. The lemon fresh scent only added a bit of citrus spice to my worsening stench of hot moist dog fart. It smelled worse than a gym after high school wrestling practice. So I cleaned more. Opening and fanning the house.  
A friend called, and I actually had to just stop and have a glass of wine, just to get my mind and nose off the stench of soured baby vomit in my kitchen. I still could not find the source. I had it narrowed to the kitchen and had decided it was from inside the inner workings of the microwave. Yeah right, this sickening rancid hot garbage bin of icky smell was obviously coming from an electrical component. 
Bed time finally came and I shut up the apartment from the rain and went to bed. The wine put me to sleep quickly. I woke three times in the night, not just to tinkle, but because of the thick sulfur icky that had penetrated my nostrils. It was like someone had literally taken one of those rotten eggs from the famous Asian cuisine and stuffed it in mouth. 
In my sleep-dream-wake state I had decided it was indeed the kitchen drains and the heavy rainfall we were having was pushing sewer or sewer gas up the pipe. I would sleep through it and take care of it tomorrow.  
My alarm goes off. I wake to a bit of a blue haze in the apartment. The stench of hot sick was actually visible. I flick on the lights. Head to the kitchen and turn on my hot pot for coffee. ….And something now occurs to me. Sulfur. Rotten eggs. Gas. Oh Crap! Gas! Aaaaahhh!!! The sixth burner on my gas stove was turned just a bit of center. I must have hit it while cleaning. I slowly shut it off. 

Tiptoeing to the doors I pray aloud. I open they door. So afraid that a spark will spark when I open the metal latch. I go get my fan. Praying as I unplug the fan and move to the kitchen. I need to plug it in. Will it spark when I use the outlet right next to the stove? I decide to just do it. I couldn’t breath. One…two…three VVVOOOOOOMMMMMM goes the sound of the fan sucking the fresh air from outside. The blue cloud was beginning to leave. 

I was safe. I could breath. I didn’t blow myself up. This time. It’s a good day to be alive. Good thing it was a slow leak from burner six. Good think I only have gas from a small tank of outdoors. Yikes! So between the roach bomb, gas exposure, and all the cleaning products. I have made sure no insects or other life forms are safe in my apartment. Oh dear!
So safely tip boys and girls. Smelly air could mean gas! Sticky is added to gas to warn us. Always check your stove! 
Giggle
Por favor no le diga a mis padres sobre este pequeño problema de gas. Podría darles un ataque al corazón. ¡Apenas hace una historia divertida de la vida! risilla.

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